Have I mentioned that I’m “room mom” for Connor’s class? No? Well I am.
I think there’s something wrong with me. I honestly don’t know why I volunteer for everything. I don’t mind being room mom, not at all. That’s not the point.
The point is that as soon as I have some free time I seem eager to find a way to fill it! Not that the responsibilities of being a room mom for a preschool class are all that pressing. (I’m not even allowed to help out in class since Connor has separation anxiety issues and would want to spend the whole time I’m there glued to my side.)
I’m just amazed at my driving need to volunteer. I think in this case I volunteered to be room mom the first time I met Connor’s teacher! I casually mentioned I’d be happy to help and she casually mentioned they didn’t have a room mom. The next thing you know, bam!, I’m room mom, like I’m some over-zealous school girl waving her hand frantically in the air to clean the chalk boards or collect the books. OH!! PICK ME! PICK ME!! I WANT to help!!!
In fact, I did this as a school girl. I was always eager to be teacher’s helper. Or helper to anyone actually. Need some kickboards stacked up after swim class? I’m your girl! Need help grading spelling tests? I’m on it! You’re throwing a shower/party/wedding? How can I help?
See? It’s not even that people even directly ask me to help. I volunteer!!
I think it’s a sickness.
The sickest part? I like doing it! I like helping. I like being the person someone else can count on. I think I also, not so subconsciously, like that pat on the head when I’ve done something nice. I think my twisted little heart likes being thanked, enjoys the approval of others.
This disturbs me.
I don’t want to be that crazy old mother who one day screams at Connor, “After all I’ve done for you, this is the thanks I get?!?”
Nothing about that would be good. So how do I keep eagerness to please from turning into a driving need for recognition? How do I stop myself from playing the part of the martyr? How do I continue to help out without losing my sanity?
I’m not really sure. I need to keep reminding myself that what I do is no different from millions of other parents out there. I need to remember that I’m not the first mom to make crafts for her child, flyers for the classroom, cupcakes for friends. I just need to keep in mind how very average this all is.
That’s right. I’m just a mom, nothing out of the ordinary.
So how can I help you?