Connor’s conception was something of a surprise. Ok, it was a BIG surprise! I was on birth control but that didn’t stop an egg from slipping into my uterus. The antibiotics I took that month definitely interfered with the whole system and Connor was conceived. Ta da!
At first I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I was nauseous and tired. I had random pains, mysterious cramping, and some truly startling things happening downstairs. I didn’t know what was going on! I assigned my symptoms to a myriad of problems. Bladder infection? Terrible IBS? World’s worst yeast infection? I just didn’t know. I was grasping at straws.
Finally a month had gone by and it was just a day before my period was supposed to start, I thought I’d take a pregnancy test. You know, just to rule it out.
Imagine my surprise when it was positive!
I frantically researched false positives….which gave me little encouragement since false positives are extremely rare.
I then ran to the store and bought two different types of pregnancy tests. One with lines. One with positive and negative. When those all came back telling me I was pregnant I decided I need to try the digital kind just to confirm. Those other ones were sort of faint, and maybe all the lines weren’t totally clear. But the digital would say once and for all pregnant or not pregnant.
You no doubt have figured out what it said.
Since that surprise I have been extremely paranoid. Every few months something goes on with my body that makes me worry I might be pregnant. My breasts are sore. My period is a day late. I am extremely tired. Any of theses symptoms (and many more) are enough to send me into a tailspin of worry. There are absolutely logical explanations for each symptom, which my illogical paranoid brain frantically ignores as it rushes me to the pharmacy to buy a five-pack of pregnancy tests. And every single time I take a test it is of course negative. And my paranoia goes back to sleep for another month or two.
I just don’t want to be caught off guard again. Next time I get pregnant I would like it to be because I was actually trying to get pregnant. Although these surprise stories are usually funny, I don’t want to repeat it.
What I really want is an off switch. I just want to turn my ovaries off until I’m ready to use them. And I’m not ready yet!