I have been running at level 6 on a scale of 5. My brain seems to focus and my emotions feel fried.
There are too many balls in the air for even this practiced juggler to catch!
A wedding and a baby shower are in the works. Each event alone requires seemingly hundreds of decisions. And inevitably, as in my last post, when there are events, there are little dramas.
Some dramas are bigger than others, potentially life changing. To deal with the fall out of my invitation decisions, I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of friendship as an adult, particularly the nature of friendship for a stay-at-home mom to an autistic child. Being the parent of special needs child means belonging to a very isolating world. Our children keep us busy running from one therapy to the next, juggling meetings and reports and paperwork until there doesn’t seem much room for anything else. For me and Connor, I keep trying to add to our already busy schedule. I want to keep moving Connor forward towards our ultimate goal of mainstreaming. I need to keep pushing him, keep trying new activities, new therapies, new ideas until we strike upon something that works for him. And although this is best for Connor, it doesn’t really allow me to develop friendships with the other parents.
Most other parents of special needs children are dealing with the same issues, and the same potential social explosions from their own children. Play dates have to be carefully coordinated and can be easily cancelled if a child’s behaviors are out of control that day. Sure I have time to myself during the day, but who else does? My Pilates classes are filled with retirees!
So time to seek out activities that will make me joyful! I’ve signed up to volunteer with a few programs, as well as subscribe to a book club. But not immediately since I’m in the midst of planning a shower and a wedding as well as parenting my autistic child! And round and round we go until I feel just about to explode!
To top it all off my great-uncle passed away. Nearly 90 and suffering excruciating pain due to cancer, he is much better off in the arms of our Lord than he was dwelling here on earth. And though it’s hard to develop a close relationship with a man who devoted his life to serving the Lord, as well as his brothers and sisters, he was still a man I loved and respected. He baptized me, he blessed me, he carried God’s love to me throughout my entire life. And I miss him. I will miss him. I will miss him. I will miss him until I join with him again one day in God’s presence.
So today while my flu infected son naps, I take a little time to just let myself feel everything and I don’t try to stop the tears.