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When I was awoken today by a warm stream of pee in my face, I tried not to take it as an omen.  I really, really tried to rationally accept that these things happen and not view it as the cherry on top of an incredibly challenging week.

As a mother I have been peed on in the past, of course, as all parents have been at some point.  There was the infant pee that decorated my clothing, the toddler pee that sprang out when diapers were pulled off, and of course preschooler potty training pee.  All of these I accepted as part of my training as a parent.  They were stories I shared with millions of other parents.  There were badges of honor…almost.

But this morning, when I was awoken from a deep disturbing dream about Connor’s therapist confessing he wasn’t sure about the choices he’d made in his life (my subconscious is confusing), I just couldn’t accept this pee with the same nonchalance.

Some time around 3 am, Connor crawled into bed with me and began taking his pajamas off.  I sleepily (and wrongly) assumed this was because he had perhaps wet himself or just finished using the bathroom.  I didn’t really care, honestly, I just wanted to go back to sleep.  Connor’s nudity doesn’t phase me as it’s his prefered state of being.  He wanted to be naked in bed?  Fine.  Just let me go back to sleep.

In the three hours between then and 6 am Connor managed to work his way up the bed so that his body was wedged between the pillows and his head was pressed against the headboard.  At just after 6 this morning, Connor’s little penis was aimed perfectly at my face just in time for him to pee on my left eye, cheek, and nose.

Thankfully my subconscious didn’t translate this peeing into something in my dream like a warm shower or a squirt gun fight, but alerted me right away and allowed me raise my hand to block that warm steady stream after just a few seconds.  However, in my opinion, that was a few seconds too many.

Considering how I’d awoken, I shouldn’t have been surprised by the morning that followed.  After I got out of bed to wash my face, I decided it was safer to go sleep in the guest room where, although the sheets were cold, the bed was dry.  I wanted to catch just a few more minutes of sleep before wrestling Connor into the school routine after a two-week absence.  But Connor sensed my absence and came looking for me.  Apparently walking naked around the cold house was enough to wake him up, since he proceeded to climb in bed with me and snap the straps of my camisole while I tried to sleep.  Awesome.

But you know what, I got him out of the house and on the bus.  I’ve walked the dogs already.  Now I get to spend my day doing laundry in silence and watching reruns of Law and Order, while Connor struggles through his first day of school in 2013.

It may not be very nice or parent-like to say this, but neener neener neener!


Connor and the Dogs (part 1)

My son is an animal lover.  That is an irrefutable fact.  He has been since the moment he recognized there was life beyond the end of his fingers.  In fact I think it was the moment those little baby fingers felt the soft copper fur of my first dog Penny Lane, that Connor realized his love for all things furry or feathered (or scaled or slimy or even bald).

It was love at first touch.

For Penny that love began before he was even born.  Actually, for Penny and Dodger both.  During my pregnancy the dogs were much gentler with me, more protective, and very concerned about my rounding figure.  When I brought the child home, they were filled with curiosity.  Penny instinctively knew this was her baby, and he had to be protected.

For Dodger it took a little longer (notice that wild look of fear in his eyes).

Dodger didn’t understand what this small pink thing was that made all kinds of horrible noises.  Standing on his hind legs with his front paws hooked on the bassinet, Dodger would stare down at Connor with a look of absolute (and adorable) confusion.  He wasn’t exactly sure what to do with Connor (or Connor with him).

Whereas all Penny wanted to do was love him.

As time went by Connor grew to love these animals as much as they loved him.  Perhaps even more than they loved him.  And maybe his love was a little too rough at times.





















Roughness doesn’t really matter to Penny.  She has the patience of a saint. Her baby can do no wrong.

And Connor appreciates that.

They’re together most of the time, even in sleep.  And Miss Penny is a pretty finicky sleeper, not liking to be touched or jostled in any way.  But if her baby wants to put his legs on her head while they sleep, well that’s just fine.

Dodger has a different approach.  He likes to keep Connor at arm’s distance since you never know if you’re going to get a noise pinch or a kiss.  Or maybe a hat!

But Dodger is devoted to Connor in his own way.

It mostly involves sleep.

These dogs are not perfect though.  Far from it!

They regularly murder stuffed animals, make giants messes, track mud in the house, or even knock Connor over when playing too enthusiastically.

But then they let me do things like this and it’s ok:

And Connor loves them more than anything, so we never stay mad for long.