An Advent Calendar

We had a wonderfully crafty weekend around here!  I made an advent calendar and Connor helped me to make two different wreathes.  That boy loves the hot glue gun!  He won’t touch it while it’s on, knowing first hand that it can burn you (a lesson he learned the hard way), but he will carry it around while it’s unplugged, pretending to glue all kinds of things down.  Let’s hope he never discovers Krazy Glue!

Friday began with the Advent Calendar, due to the fact that Saturday was the 1st of December, and thus the start of Advent.

Here’s what you need:

24 Cotton/Muslin/Burlap bags, about 3×4 or 4×6

Stencil set of numbers 1-9

Red paint

Paint Brush

Scrap paper

Clips

String (and nails to hold string up)

24 gifts and treats to stuff inside the bags

Bag and Stencil

I lay down some newspaper first because I’m particularly clumsy, which  often leads to big messes!

This project is relatively easy.  Once you have your stencils and bags, you simply lay the stencil over the bag and tap the paint into the open area.  Make sure you put some scrap paper inside the bag, as the paint is probable to leak through (and having a bag that is glued together with paint will defeat the purpose of this advent calendar).

Paint lightly in the stencil’s open area.

Lift the stencil off carefully to avoid smudging, and there you go: one bag down, 23 to go!

 

One down!

Just rinse and repeat.  It took about 30 minutes to get 1-10 done, but things picked up as my confidence in the project did.

Ten Bags

As to the last part of the project, the stringing up part, I was torn as to how to accomplish this.  Sure the model I saw used clothespins (something I couldn’t find) and I toyed with the idea of punching holes in the bag and stringing them on to the twine, but I wasn’t sure about either of those prospects.  In the end this is what I did:

That’s right, I used binder clips.

Given my love of all things office supplies, I had plenty of binder clips lying around unused.  And they are seriously so convenient for this project!  (I also had a hunch that Connor would not care two bits about what was used to keep his gifts on the string.)  However, if you’d like to get all fancy, there are plenty of more creative and attractive ways to do this.  Please be my guest.  I’ll be over here with my lazy mama way of doing things.

My first Homemade Advent Calendar

Ta da! It’s done.  (and yes, my fireplace is super dated and old school.  also, yes, I use that woodpile area to store Connor’s toys.)

It’s nothing fancy, but I’m happy with it.  There are a million ways to dress this project up.  You could paint/stencil snowflakes and holly on to the bags.  You could tie each one with festive holiday ribbon.  You could even wrap some lights around the string if you wanted!  Do whatever makes you happy.

See Connor run!

This calendar, just the way it is, made Connor pretty happy on Saturday morning.

 

If you’d like to make this calendar, please follow the directions you see here or visit BonBonMini to see the sample I used.

If you’d like to make an advent calendar using something other than bags, here is a list of fun projects for kids and adults alike!

Twig and Thistle Magnetic Holiday Advent Calendar

The Etsy DIY Advent Calendar (for those who are a bit more dedicated to the craft of…crafting)

Kitschy Take Out Box Advent Calendar (I think this one would be fun for adults or teens)

Envelope Advent Calendar (super modern looking and perfect if you only have about 10 minutes to put something together)

Happy crafting everyone!

 

 

A Full Plate

I literally have so many projects going on right now that I forget what I’m supposed be doing.  It’s as if I suffer from holiday overload, resulting in paralysis.  I was sitting at my computer just staring at picture of Zooey Deschanel from New Girl thinking “I’m supposed to be doing something right now….” and that’s where the thought ended.  Not wondering what I was supposed to be doing, just stating the fact that I was indeed actually engaged in something.

It should have been a no-brainer as I have several screens open on my desktop at the moment as I try to create one cohesive document for Christmas card labels.  There are Excel spreadsheets, last year’s label documents, emails of address changes, and a dozen Facebook messages to compile into one list.

I can see why people go crazy this time of year.

Especially people like me who see a new project and think, “Hey, that’s a good idea! I can totally do that!”

Projects like this:

Felt Christmas Tree

The Empty Bobbin Felt Christmas Tree! Adorable right?

I thought this was a wonderful idea for Connor!  He’s super excited about Christmas and loves decorations.  With this tree, he can decorate and redecorate it as much as he likes.  Yay!

Except I didn’t want to sew and I knew Connor wouldn’t care if I made him ornaments or just simple shapes.  So I went with the absolutely laziest option possible.  I cut it out, cut out some shapes, glued some velcro to the back and stuck the matching velcro to the wall.  Voila! Connor’s felt Christmas tree:

The Lazy Mom’s felt Christmas tree

Maybe when he’s older, like next year or the year after, we can craft some felt ornaments to go on the tree that are a little fancier.

The second project that I have precisely 36 hours to complete so it’s ready in time is the Homemade Advent Calendar

Homemade Rustic Bag Advent Calendar from Bonbonmini

So far I have the bags, I have the paint and stencils and I have the twine.  That’s it though.  Nothing to put inside,  no clothes pins, no bags actually painted.  And yes, today is the 29th of November, meaning the countdown to Christmas starts in less than 48 hours.

And unlike the wonderful woman from http://www.bonbonmini.com I am not going to be including wonderful crafted, handmade toys.  Nope, I’m going to hit the $.99 Store in about an hour and stock up.  Hopefully, Connor will be just as satisfied with bouncy balls from Taiwan as he would be with wool felted finger puppets made personally for him.

I’ll let you know how this fool-proof plan goes.

Lastly, here’s a list of the other projects yet to begin:

Make a stocking for new dog Maggie

Make a new tree skirt

Make Connor’s weighted blanket

Finish painting three canvases for various children

Organize cookie exchange

Design and print labels for Christmas cards

Make ornament wreath for front door.

Cinnamon Candy Wreath

I’m sure there are others.  I’ll make sure to blog on my minimal effort versions of everything, cause really, who has the time?

Back in the Swing

I’m finally feeling like my normal self again and getting into back into the swing of things.

It’s difficult to know what the problem is, work towards making things better and still have to wait for improvement.  I hate increments! I just want everything now!

Just kidding…sort of…

My ex often accused me of being a contradiction.  And I admit it, I absolutely am.

With my sweet baby boy, Connor, who is often not very sweet, I have patience for days!  Hand me a crying baby and I can pace with that child for hours.  Give me a craft project to do and I’ll wait for glue to dry, paint to settle, pieces to arrive like there is never a deadline. Send me your most obnoxious, slowest reference customer and I’ll happily sit there listening to them prattle on about how they think Florida was one of the original 13 colonies.

But something that has to do with me and what I want, I want it, like, yesterday!

The house, the yard, weight loss, mental health, getting pregnant, I want to be working on all of it now.  Actually, I’d like to have accomplished all of those things so I can sit back and relax.

Instead I have to wait.  There’s a time and a place for everything, unfortunately.

I feel like Veruca Salt…a little.

I’ll try to be more patient for Christmas and remind myself that all good things come to those who wait.  Damn it.

Winter Grays, Blacks and Blues

I am many things.  I fill many roles. I exemplify many virtues and many failings.  I tend more towards happiness than unhappiness, more towards optimism than pessimism, more towards believing the best in people than believing the worst.  I keep my chin up, my head high and smile through the pain, knowing that tomorrow will be better.

And that usually works.

And the medication usually works.

And I’m ok, I’m good, I’m on solid ground.

And then the world changes a little bit and I’m reminded that my condition isn’t curable, just manageable.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at 20 after my previous diagnosis of mild depression was thrown out.  After a sexual assault, I went into a months long manic period.  If you’ll read the link I’ve included I engaged in nearly all of the symptoms listed.  I was quite literally out of control.  During that period I felt like I was outside myself.  I could see what I was doing was harmful and I just couldn’t stop it.  One day I had a panic attack and thought I was having a heart attack.  When the ER doctors told me what it was I decided it was time to go back to see my old psychiatrist.  We tried various drug cocktails, including Lithium (which made me feel like I was experiencing the world through a thick layer of cotton) and it took a long time to figure out what was going to work best.

The mania period ended just prior to my senior year of college.  I was walking the tightrope of mental health mostly because I still felt like an open wound.  I supplemented my medication with alcohol, wild behavior and far too many dates.  I packed this life cocktail into my wounds hoping they would heal but they merely scabbed off.

I would feel better for a while, stop my medication, and then fall right back into a depression after a month or so.  I wanted so badly to be cured, to be fixed that I was very close to delusional about what was actually going on with my mental health.

It took years of feeling better then feeling worse to finally commit to staying on my medication.  It’s taken years of therapy to understand that I’m not fatally flawed because of my chemical imbalance but that it is as much a part of my as my eye color and the size of my feet.  I can do nothing to change it.

That was a hard pill to swallow (pun intended).

For years now my mood has been stable, I only rely on a very low dose of an SSRI, a medication that deals with increasing the amount of serotonin in the brain.  I use cognitive behavior techniques in my every day life to combat the symptoms of my condition.  Recovery International is a mental health group that focuses on the teachings of Dr. Abraham Low and his work with cognitive behavior therapy.  My former in-laws introduced me to this work and I will be forever grateful.  There are few days that go by that I don’t use the tools that are taught through this work.  Two favorites of mine are that I “have the will to bear the discomfort” of an unpleasant situation and to remind myself that I am just an average person, so nobody expects perfection from me.  With these things working in my favor life is generally good and the real Erin gets to shine through the condition.

Still there are times that I feel down, or blue, when the world’s colors seem a little grayer, the night a little blacker.  Usually I can shake it off in a day or two, but sometimes it lingers and I’m reminded that my fight is a life-long one.  The coming of winter always reminds me of this most poignantly.  Colder temperatures and longer nights rob me of my precious sunshine, sunshine which helps create the chemicals that keep me balanced and happy.

For a while there I didn’t even recognize that I was feeling worse.  I felt tired, but I’m always tired (I’m a mom!).  I lost interest in my normal activities, but I blamed that on being tired or the busy schedule my son has.  It wasn’t until I realized how disconnected I felt from everyone around me that I knew something was wrong.

Now I know and now I can fix it.  Sure it won’t be permanently fixed but identifying the problem is half the battle.  So long walks with the dogs, more vegetable gardening, eating al fresco will all help get me out into the limited sunshine hours.  Purposefully engaging in social activities, making myself complete to do lists, and writing, writing, writing will help me “fake it til I make it.”

And sooner than I realized I’ll be back to singing silly songs with Connor, baking delicious treats, and generally my nerdy, happy self again.

Once a Cheater

I am a cheater.  There!  I said it out loud!  It is both shameful and liberating to say it.  I am not proud of it, but there’s no denying that it happened.
The worst part of it all is that I’m a librarian.  We’re supposed to be above such things!  But I couldn’t help it, I was just so frustrated, so confused.  I suppose that’s what all cheaters say though, isn’t it?

I’m afraid now that it’s happened once, I’ll do it again.

I’m hoping my confession will keep me from cheating again.

Yes, I am a cheater.  I….I…I read the end of my book before I was finished!

SHAMEFUL!

Had you watched me during that episode it would have appeared that I was actually committing some type of mortal sin.  I looked around the bedroom, checked to make sure my fiance was actually asleep, and hurriedly, haphazardly flipped to a page at the end of the book.  I scanned quickly and read only a paragraph before guilt overwhelmed me and I turned back to my place in the seventh chapter.

I’m sure my cheeks were as much aflame as my conscience.

Let me explain why though (as if there is ever a good enough reason for such a break with morality).  I was reading the extremely popular Gone Girl and I was not enjoying it.  In fact I was beginning to hate all of the characters in the book.  I was confused by the obvious problems in narration.  I had no idea where it was going.  My frustration was quickly mounting to a crisis level.  I put the book down for a time to try to regain some composure.  I tried!  But when I came back to it I was quickly overcome by frustration and desperation, forcing my hand.  It’s almost as if I had no choice.  If I hadn’t read that page in the back I might never have finished what was otherwise an interesting piece of literature.  So you see, my cheating was a good thing.  Yes???

Still, the guilt eats at me.  I have never before read the end of the book prior to the natural progression.  I was one of those who shook my head disappointedly at people who were confessed last page readers.  Why?  Why would they do such a thing?  They were ruining the suspense, even the whole story arc of a book by doing that!

In my case I absolutely spoiled the story line.  I did it willfully and purposefully!  Perhaps it’s a credit to the author that her suspenseful novel drove me to such drastic measures as to break my own reading moral code.  Perhaps it’s just a flaw in my character.  I prefer to give the credit to Gillian Flynn.

If you’d like to read a great book about some interesting and awful people, read Gone Girl.  Don’t read the end before you’re done.  You’ll either regret it or be like me and sleep a little easier.  As always, I advise you not to be like me…don’t be a cheater.

Juice box mummies and mommy goes crazy

There was a movie made in the 80s called The Gods Must be Crazy.  I didn’t really care for the movie all that much but the title has always stuck with me.  And this week I’ve been applying it to myself.  I think my movie would be called “Mommy Must be Crazy.”

Aside from a definite eccentricity there really isn’t a good explanation for why I’ve acted the way I have on a few things in the last few days.

The first is that we’ve adopted a new dog.  Introducing Maggie May:

Maggie May is a rescue dog from the Mission Viejo Animal Shelter.  She was brought there from the Riverside pound, where she’d been down to her last two days of life.  Mission Viejo fixed her up, gave her a safe place to live and patiently took care of her until some good family could be found for her.  Or should I say until her big sad brown eyes sucked some unwitting visitors into taking her home.

It was probably a mistake to visit the dog pens when we were there visiting Grandma S, who volunteers at the shelter.  I couldn’t help it though.  I love me some puppies.  And for the fiance, it was love at first sight when he saw Maggie May.

Less than 24 hours later she was living with us.

Maggie makes dog number three at my house.  Technically, I should say she makes rescue dog number three, which means she is neurotic dog number three.  She is sweet and affectionate with a strong nervous disposition and serious abandonment issues.  Maggie also has three broken teeth that will be removed next week.  She had puppies in the past few months so her teats are extended and provide a curiosity for my other two dogs, much to Maggie’s dismay.  She’s having a hard time eating with her broken treats.  She’s desperate for affection and desperate to give affection.  She sleeps on couches, eats out of Penny’s bowl, and rests in Dodger’s bed.  All in all, she’s just as crazy as the rest of this house.

She’s fitting in nicely.

Connor loves her and talks to her pretty much non-stop.  For that alone (even if I wasn’t already wrapped around her paw), I’d adopt her all over again.

The second reason I’ve obviously lost my mind is that I decided to do a Halloween craft for Connor’s preschool class.

That fact alone doesn’t necessarily seal my unhinged state.  What does is that I decided to do a craft they will doubtless throw away within minutes of receiving it, a craft that took me an hour to do.

Seriously, there’s something wrong with me.

Here’s what I decided to do: Juice box mummies!

Super cute, right? My love for Halloween knows no bounds!

There are several different ways of doing this craft.  The easiest way involves using cream masking tape (which I didn’t have).  So here’s how I did it:

Using copy paper, googly eyes, hot glue and toilet paper I constructed little mummies for the Halloween buckets Connor’s class will get at school.

First, wrap the juice box in half a sheet of copy paper. (notice my lovely Halloween black nails!)

Fold the paper around the box, so that it’s almost all covered, leaving a space for the straw at the top.  This is supposed to actually be usable.

Next, take a long strip of toilet paper and fold it in half.  If it’s two ply, strip away one layer so you just use one layer per box.

Glue and wrap!

Once you’re done wrapping, simply tuck some googly eyes just into the paper.  You want the impression that they’re peeking out!

Finally, tuck the straws into the back of the paper so the kids can actually drink out of them and you’re done!

These little guys definitely do not have to be perfect.  They’re juice boxes which will be thrown away.  Do not agonize about the details!  Or perhaps don’t make these until the kids are a little older and can actually appreciate them?

Whatever.  I’m obviously crazy.  You probably shouldn’t listen to a crazy woman, so make this craft however you like!
Happy Halloween!!

Conducting the Home Orchestra

On days like today I always feel like being a stay-at-home mom is something like conducting an orchestra.

When I was a full-time working single mom (which according to Romney might drive Connor to engage in gun violence–sorry for the politics, but come on! that’s funny!) at the library and Connor was at day care I didn’t so much conduct as scramble.  Every day was a challenge to get things done.  And many days things just didn’t get finished.  Laundry piled up, dinner was composed of various take out orders, the household disarray grew larger daily, to-do lists grew longer instead of shorter.

Now that I’m stay at home I try to keep on top of everything.  The laundry is done when the bins are full.  The pantry is always well stocked.   Home-made food fills our fridge.  Being at home full-time with Connor in school full-time actually gives me time for projects of my own…sometimes.

After saying all that I want to clarify that things don’t always go so well.  Having an autistic preschooler means that there is a lot (A LOT) of chaos in my life.  Whether it’s getting no sleep from anxiety fueled nightmares or having to constantly rearrange our daily schedule to fit in all of the ABA therapy sessions, speech therapy, mandated parent education, etc.; life is still pretty hectic.  Plus I volunteered to be Connor’s room-mom and I spend way too much time on Pinterest late at night, meaning I think being room-mom=being Martha Stewart (if only!).  That’s all on top of trying to run the house like it’s my job, because well it is my job!

I’m a librarian who is currently a stay-at-home mom.  If I’m not making sure my house is being run darn near perfect, then I feel like I’m failing at my job.  I don’t earn a paycheck so I feel like I have to earn my keep by running this house like it’s going to be in Better Homes and Gardens next month.  Ok, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration.  Mostly because my house is older than I am and has never been remodeled.  I don’t think Better Homes and Gardens is going to do a piece on my nearly counter-less kitchen and ancient oven!

But I digress….

In order to achieve my goal of having my home run like a well-oiled machine I need to do a lot of work.  Gardeners, housekeepers, handymen, all need to be directed to fix/clean/maintain various aspects of the house.  Errands and chores have to be coordinated to maximize efficiency.  Meals are planned way ahead of time, recipes researched, preschoolers duped into eating healthy things (sometimes).  Dogs are walked, fed, cared for.  Fiances are well fed, well dressed, well-loved.

So sometimes I feel like I’m conducting like this:

Good days

Like today! I coordinated a new housekeeper, discussed winter and spring plans with my gardener, met with a sprinkler inspection, dropped off 12 pumpkins, 12 trick or treat buckets, and 12 glow sticks for a preschool project, and managed to get some shopping done!  Boom baby!

Other days tend to go like this: they start out well but somehow slip out of control and you’re just happy to be at one piece at the end!

Here’s hoping we have more well conducted days than days like Merlin!

 

Paranoia

Connor’s conception was something of a surprise.  Ok, it was a BIG surprise!  I was on birth control but that didn’t stop an egg from slipping into my uterus.  The antibiotics I took that month definitely interfered with the whole system and Connor was conceived.  Ta da!

At first I didn’t know what the hell was going on.  I was nauseous and tired. I had random pains, mysterious cramping, and some truly startling things happening downstairs.  I didn’t know what was going on!  I assigned my symptoms to a myriad of problems.  Bladder infection? Terrible IBS?  World’s worst yeast infection?  I just didn’t know.  I was grasping at straws.

Finally a month had gone by and it was just a day before my period was supposed to start, I thought I’d take a pregnancy test.  You know, just to rule it out.

Imagine my surprise when it was positive!

I frantically researched false positives….which gave me little encouragement since false positives are extremely rare.

I then ran to the store and bought two different types of pregnancy tests.  One with lines.  One with positive and negative.  When those all came back telling me I was pregnant I decided I need to try the digital kind just to confirm.  Those other ones were sort of faint, and maybe all the lines weren’t totally clear.  But the digital would say once and for all pregnant or not pregnant.

You no doubt have figured out what it said.

Since that surprise I have been extremely paranoid.  Every few months something goes on with my body that makes me worry I might be pregnant.  My breasts are sore.  My period is a day late.  I am extremely tired.  Any of theses symptoms (and many more) are enough to send me into a tailspin of worry.  There are absolutely logical explanations for each symptom, which my illogical paranoid brain frantically ignores as it rushes me to the pharmacy to buy a five-pack of pregnancy tests.  And every single time I take a test it is of course negative.  And my paranoia goes back to sleep for another month or two.

I just don’t want to be caught off guard again.  Next time I get pregnant I would like it to be because I was actually trying to get pregnant.  Although these surprise stories are usually funny, I don’t want to repeat it.

What I really want is an off switch.  I just want to turn my ovaries off until I’m ready to use them.  And I’m not ready yet!

Say Yes to a Dress

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I’m getting married for the second time (huzzah!).  And like this second time around marriage will be very different from the first, this second wedding will be dramatically different from the first.

Though my first marriage didn’t work out, I will always have fond memories of my first wedding.  Like all first time brides, I was swept up in wedding fever.  We went all out!  (And by we I mean me, my mom, sisters, and aunts.)  Every detail was attended to, from the flowers lining the aisle to the thematic escort cards to the pillar decorations.  Nothing was overlooked.  And the day of everything was perfect.  The location was beautiful, the food was amazing, the drinks never stopped flowing, and everyone had a good time!  It was a wonderful wedding!  And it cost an arm and a leg.

This time around our budget is literally 1/6 of my first wedding budget and, unlike last time, the fiance and I are footing the bill.  So things are going to be pared down just a bit.  There will be no fancy location, lavish buffet, or unending alcohol.  This wedding it going to be simple and home-made.

The location: our backyard

The food: food trucks

Alcohol: BevMo’

Flowers, Decorations, Escort cards, Invitations, Photo Booth, Guest Book: DIY!!!

Photography: Stacee Lianna, who has miraculously agreed to work within our tiny budget!  (When she said yes I nearly started crying!) http://staceelianna.com/

The dress:???

Unlike the last wedding there will be no giant white dress.  I won’t be trooping my friends and family to endless bridal boutiques.  I won’t even be going to a dress shop myself! The dress will not be poofy and princessy.  It will not be dramatic and oh-so elegant.  It will not be bright white.  Now, I don’t begrudge anyone wearing a white dress to their second wedding, it’s just not for me.  Like this wedding, this dress needs to be simple, inexpensive, and totally me.

The other hitch is that we’ve decided to get married at the courthouse on a friday and then have a reception the next day.  So I need two dresses (and my dress budget didn’t get magically bigger! I have to get two dress for the same amount.  Or I can wear something I already have….yeah right.)

What I really want a dress like this:

However, $700 is a little out of budget.  Ok, it’s a lot out of my budget!  But it is so perfect.  Sigh…On to the real hunt.

To fit in my budget I’ve been shopping my favorite stores, especially the ones where I have credit (so that I can both use rewards and earn them).

First, I ordered this dress from Piperlime.com

Rachel Roy Drape Neck Dress

This dress is perfect for an elegant courthouse ceremony!  (I also ordered this dress with a promo code and all of my rewards from the last year, netting me a 50% discount.) I would be very Joan Holloway in this dress!

Unfortunately, the dress didn’t fit quite right.  The waist hit just below my bust-line, which made the hips hit around my waist.  Being alternately too tight and too loose made me look like I was wearing a dress from junior high after a growth spurt.  Not exactly the look I was going for, and definitely not Joan.

So I ordered two dresses from Nordstrom, figuring one would fit the bill for a courthouse wedding.

Alex Evenings Lace Overlay Sheath Dress

Lovely right?  Well, the pleating just below the waist made my child bearing hips look even wider.  Additionally there are hundreds of shiny sequins that don’t show up in the picture, which made me look something like a Vegas lounge singer.  Not quite right for my wedding.

On the dress number 2:

Tadashi Lace Sheath Dress

Again, this dress is beautiful!  I loved it!  And then I put it on.  I now resembled a sausage being stuffed into its casing.  Maybe the lesson here was to stop ordering sheath dresses?  Despite my apparent mental self-image, I am not a size 6 with slender hips and small bust.  I am a very curvy size 10/12!  There is an 11 inch difference between my hips and waist, and a 10 inch difference between my bust and waist.  Sheath dresses are just not going to do it!

After another futile shopping trip to Macy’s, I began to worry that I would end up wearing a burlap sack!  The fiance kindly told me he’d happily marry me in my pjs, so I needed to stop stressing.

While that is a very sweet thing to say, I’m not sure I completely believe him.  I did, however, lighten up a bit and start looking for something simpler, more fitting to my body, and just more me.  I didn’t need a knockout dress for a wedding ceremony with the man I love and our immediate families.  They’ll be happy no matter what I wear.  To that end, I’ll be happy no matter what I wear.

With that in mind, I think I found a dress.  I tried it on this morning.  It fits perfectly.  It’s simple, it’s appropriate, and it is totally me.  Hopefully the fiance will agree!  If he does, I’ll let you guys in on the dress this weekend.  If not, back to the drawing board.  Finger’s crossed!

Bad Day Made Better

Last night was yet another night of nightmares, anxiety outpourings, and early morning wakeups.  Since returning from vacation Connor has been plagued by bad dreams.  Though he can’t communicate to me what these dreams are about, the fact that he clings to me, crying, whimpering my name clearly communicates that these dreams focus on my leaving him again.  It breaks my heart.

So this morning is not going well.  I’m exhausted.  I have a headache.  I’m downing enough caffeinated beverages to replace my blood stream.

But there is no amount of Tylenol and Diet Coke that can help me be the mommy I need to be.  I just have to muscle through and keep my unraveling patience in check.

To make this bad day better I’m taking a little me time, just a little.  In between doing the dishes, folding laundry, replacing burned out lightbulbs (which is oddly one of my least favorite chores, I don’t know why, but I really hate it), and various other household tasks, I’m taking a few minutes to sort myself out.

Here are my top three treats for today:

 

I ordered this dress on sale about a week ago and it came today.  Yay!  It’s a little dressy for running errands, picking up Connor from preschool, and sitting through therapy, but it makes me happy.

I bought the new Jason Aldean record.  It literally came out today.  It’s a little predictable, a little run-of the mill, but it’s familiar like slipping on an old sweatshirt.  I’ve been listening to it on repeat.  Country music makes me smile.

I booked a ticket to Chicago to see my little baby nephew, Baby N!  And because I had a voucher from American for screwing up my vacation, I could afford to book my return flight in first class.  FIRST CLASS!!  Oh yeah!

Well, my alone time is almost done now, so I’m off to get my baby boy and enter the whirlwind of preschool emotions.  But I already feel better.  And I know we’ll survive today.